I don’t want to be a fraud anymore…

I am finding that this blog is becoming a great outlet to vent my shortcomings and frustrations, as well as a type of “spiritual diary” to journal my confessions. Today I want to bring up something that may (or may not) be shocking. I am not quite the same person to every person I know. What does this mean exactly? Well, some of my peers or relatives may not know of my mission to know and walk with Christ. This may be going on in your life, too. You may have friends that you can talk a “certain way” with, watch “certain” T.V. shows with, drink with, et cetera….and then you have your “church” friends that you are all smiles and gumdrops when in their presence. This just doesn’t feel right. I have to say, I am an open book, so my church friends are aware that I am by no means pure as the driven snow, nor will I ever claim to be this way. I have come a long (emphasis on long) way in my journey to Christ, and have sinned tremendously (and still continue to do so!) along the way. Yet, there are still people in my circle of family and acquaintances that I haven’t yet spoken to about Christ.

My thoughts today are with one of my relatives that is in her twilight years… and I do not believe she is saved. She does not know my passion for seeking Christ, nor about my studies at Liberty University. I have been postponing having this conversation with her, because she has always been a strong agnostic, opposed to Christianity. I have always thought it would be a waste of time to talk to her about Jesus, and as she is getting older, I didn’t want to stress her out with a debate. Until now.

If I died today, I envision having a conversation with God. I daydream the conversation will go something like this:

God: So, you didn’t tell your grandmother/neighbor/friend about me when you had several opportunities to do so…why not?

Me: Ummm…

God: You could have saved their souls for eternity.

Me: I am sorry…

God: If you really cared for your friends, family, or humanity as I have instructed you to do in Scripture, wouldn’t you want them to enjoy heaven with their Creator for eternity–rather than the Hell to where they have been damned? Do you realize you are responsible for the numerous chances that you threw away to spread the Good News? All because you wanted to avoid an awkward conversation? You were embarrassed of me Sarah, and now I am embarrassed of you. Why should I invite you to live with me in my Kingdom if you never wanted to live with me on earth?

And so that is sort of how I see that conversation going. I may be on the dramatic side, but I am truly guilt ridden at the moment. After some reflection, I believe it is better to lose face than to lose your soul (and the soul of a friend/family/neighbor/stranger-you-met-at-a-coffee shop). Jesus instructed us to take up our crosses daily. He knew we would be persecuted in his name and he told us not to fret because they hated Him before they hated us. Further, taking up our crosses daily means to die to one’s self, and follow Christ, no matter the consequences, or in my case the awkward conversation.

We should not only be open about our love of Christ, but be open to others in that we are SINNERS and struggle daily with this. Being Christian doesn’t mean perfection, it means we realize we are far from it. Can I get an amen?

Let’s talk about our sins and feelings with our church community, small groups, and friends, and by that we can build stronger, deeper relationships versus superficial, and artificial ones. You are wonderful, flaws and all! It’s time to embrace the flaws, embrace Christ, and take the gospel wherever we go each day.

Well, it’s time for me to witness to a potential soul I can win to Christ forever. God Bless.

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